One of my greatest joys in life is hating something. Other people may find this odd, but the rush of rage I get whenever I am confronted by something ridiculously, unbelievably stupid gives me a high unmatched by any drug I’ve ever tried.
Finally, an anti-drug slogan I can get behind: Say no to drugs and yes to hating!
My current hate-obsession is a “healthy food blogger” who posts the most batshit insane recipes I’ve ever seen. This woman’s clear eating disorder has given me countless hours of rage-joy: She makes egg white “bread,” yogurt “cookie dough” that contains no sweetener whatsoever, and my personal favorite, the example that lives in my brain rent-free, the one that is inscribed upon my very soul—her “marshmallows.”
…they are literally just unsweetened cocoa powder and gelatin. Because when I want candy, I go with cacao-flavored horse hooves.
I don’t like being angry in my personal life; in fact, I work hard to not be pissed off with my family and friends. But my god, there is nothing like being angry about something that does not matter. It’s the reason I find great joy in scrolling through this woman’s Instagram feed, taking delighted note of all the people who comment “delicious!” underneath one of her culinary atrocities. I know that it’s entirely possible that she paid for these comments, but I prefer to believe that they’re absolutely genuine, and that I live in a world in which a large minority really think that cauliflower “milkshakes” sound delicious. Because the speechless rage that such a possibility raises within me is intoxicating.
I hope for her sake that this woman gets well and starts eating something other than protein powder and sadness, but for my sake, I hope she never stops. She’s incredible.
The only thing better than experiencing this rage-high on my own is sharing it with someone. There truly is nothing like texting a link to someone and commenting “WTF?” and then getting a “I know, insane!” in response. Knowing that it’s just the two of you against a world full of dumbasses? Chef’s kiss.
So when you’re feeling down, or bored, or lonely—might I suggest that you find something unimportant to hate? It may not be good for the soul, but it sure is fun as hell.